Focus on joy

A lot of food was made in the kitchen this last Thanksgiving week: apple cake, turkey on the green egg, roasted vegetables, and chocolate birthday cake. It was a bright celebration of food, family and a little boy.

The first few of the holiday gatherings are done. I’d like to say it was a blast but that would be untrue. To say I didn’t enjoy it isn’t honest either. There were moments that I loved, wonderful memories created, but I’m still wondering whether I enjoy hosting or not. Maybe I’m a better support staff person? Perhaps my expectations are unrealistic? This holiday season seems to be one of deeper exploration, teasing out what brings joy and what feels like obligation. Of course, there are many things to consider, least of all is what I, alone, want, desire, need. There is a struggle within myself between the part that wants to be at every party, give every gift and execute all the holiday traditions and the part wistfully imagining a simple, minimal holiday season with just my little family. The truth is that I don’t just want one or the other but a blend of all of the above. And that blend will be different each year. Being in the moment and present is awfully challenging when you’re always thinking about what might be better and how you’d change it. It prevents you from enjoying what is at hand. I know this in my head but it is so hard to put into practice. So hard!

To help remind myself and consciously begin to change the narrative of ‘It’s such a stressful time of year’ (because while it can be it isn’t all it is), here are some of the wonderful moments of the past few weeks. And they out number any negative ones by far.

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Tossing snow on ice.  It was a gorgeous, crisp day in the mountains.

 

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Fireside knitting.